I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with the Letter in last week’s ‘Your Opinions’ from Paul Moore (‘Dog Owners Who Don’t Clean Up Have No Values In Life’).
I have also had first-hand experience of canine defecation. Only last week, I was perambulating in an easterly direction, over the ‘bottom rec’, when directly in front of me, a huge dog that looked like a cross between a rhino and a baboon got down and defecated the most foul and smelly heap I have ever witnessed.
I challenged the dog owner over this issue. He firmly denied all knowledge of the said incident.
I said it was his dog. But once again, he refused to own up.
There was no-one else on the rec when I pointed out the heap was still smoking. The man said something about it being down to global warming and swore it had been there two weeks earlier.
Still, I held my ground in this dispute. By now, the dog owner was becoming fraught and gave this steaming mass of defecation a huge kick with his toeless sandals.
As soon as his left foot struck this steaming mass, it immediately wrapped around his shoe, resembling a dodgem car. The remainder was stuck on his kneecap and slowly crept down his shinbone, gelling with his sandal until it looked like he was wearing a deep-sea diving boot.
He hobbled off with a gait that resembled someone walking with ball-bearings in his shoes, muttering obscenities and saying he would send someone with a JCB and a lorry to clear the mass of canine defecation.
Four days elapsed, and still it was there. So I had no option but to unbutton my coat and pull out my Second World War commando’s folding spade. I filled a receptacle, which I also had in my coat.
I sent this parcel to Scotland Yard to have it analysed, so we can determine the dog’s DNA. Up to now, I have had no reply.
This whole episode reeks of chutzpah, and I will continue my crusade until this matter is resolved.