It was more a surreal drama than a murder mystery.
But it was definitely a case of what the Butler scored on an extraordinary night of footballing theatre at Church Lane, Linby on Tuesday night.
Only 68 people were there to see it. But all will never forget it as rampant LINBY COLLIERY WELFARE ruthlessly routed mid-table Real United 10-2 in the Central Midlands League, South Division, with young striker Joe Butler bagging seven.
Butler also won the penalty which Matt Murphy converted to open the floodgates in the second minute.
Ten minutes later, Murphy struck again, planting a lovely vollety in the top corner. And it wasn’t long before Butler was netting his first, a one-on-one from a through ball by left-back Tom Coupe.
The lanky frontman was on target for a second time in the 29th minute, finishing a fine ball from young defender Callum Loydall.
And although Real scored a couple of their own, thanks to tidy strikes from Tyrell Shannon and Jordan Blair, Linby struck again in between time to go into the break 5-2 up.
Inevitably, it was Butler, embarking on a solo run past five defenders to complete his first hat-trick in style.
The second period opened with another goal from Butler after he had been released by substitute Matt Peberday.
And so it went on as he made it 7-2 when pouncing on a miskick by Real goalkeeper Marich Zboch.
Butler even found time to create a goal, beating two defenders before crossing for Ruban Mitchell to net from ten yards.
By now, Linby were beginning to dream of double figures. And the dream was duly turned into reality by more outstanding work from the untouchable Butler.
First he headed a cross by Damian Mann into the bottom corner. And then he tucked away a penalty after he had been fouled in the area.
Many will look at the scoreline and assume Real were well below strength because it was a midweek match. But they fielded the same 11 as beat Mickleover Royal British Legion last Saturday.
Yes, Real were bad at the back. But Linby were on a different planet.