January is no fun as it is and then we want to make it even worse?

Steve N Allen
Steve N Allen

January. It really is the librarian of the months, the nerdy, no fun month, writes Steve N Allen, comedian and star of BBC2’s The Mash Report.

January. It really is the librarian of the months, the nerdy, no fun month.

After all the exuberance of December we get January turning up to ruin our enjoyment

It has hardly any daylight, a tax deadline and terrible weather.

So, when we are struggling through the toughest 31 days, why do we decide this is the time to give up everything we enjoy?

I know a lot of people who are doing Dry January where you quit drinking for the month.

If you have never heard of it I should specify that you have to stop drinking alcohol for January.

Don’t stop drinking completely or you won’t make it past Sixth Night.

Studies show the average person gives in around the 16th of the month.

That’s only slightly more than a dry fortnight.

There are some bars where the queues are so bad just trying to get a drink gives me a longer dry spell.

If you get really stuck just switch to drinking certain white wines and gin.

Then you can claim you misunderstood what they meant by dry.

It’s also the month when some people do Veganuary, that’s giving up meat and diary for January.

Surely you only do that for health reasons, not moral ones

Surely no one thinks, ‘I disagree with killing animals, so I’ll give them a month to live before I come for them again.’

I’m not sure any of this is a good idea.

June is a sunny fun time and eating salad and drinking water sound nice then, but when it’s dark and cold sometimes you crave a little something that makes you feel good.

So good luck with Dry January and Veganuary.

I’ll be there with you, forgoing alcohol and meat.

I’m not doing them to be healthier or for charity, but as I said, January has a tax deadline in it so all I can afford for now is gruel.