Richard Watson's red Seat Leon hit the silver Peugeot van, on Baulk Lane, Harworth, at 7.40pm, on January 22.
The owner's partner noticed Watson was slurring his words, had a "spaced-out" expression and kept repeating himself, so called the police, said prosecutor Daniel Church.
Watson left the scene, and was later found at his home address, where he claimed not to know anything about the accident.
He later told officers he had been hit from behind by another vehicle, and drank a double brandy afterwards to calm his nerves.
The police also heard he had consumed four or fives drinks before, and two large tequilas, after the accident, and calculated he was over the 70cgs alcohol limit.
Donna Pursglove, mitigating, said Watson, a butcher, "accepts he never should have been driving."
Watson, 36, of Sandrock Road, Harworth, admitted driving when above the alcohol limit, when he appeared at Mansfield Magistrates Court, on Thursday.
District judge Jonathan Taaffe told him: "Fortunately no one was injured, but that's probably more by good luck than good judgment."
Watson was fined £360, with £85 costs and a £36 government surcharge.
He was banned for 20 months, but was offered a drink-driver rehabilitation course, which will reduce the disqualification by 152 days if he completes it before June 2020.